I was talking with a friend the other day and I offhandedly said, “I’m not quite sure what to do.”
“What you need,“ he said with a sudden laugh in his voice, “Is to sign up for another program. Definitely a year long program.” I laughed with him.
It’s a pattern or a strategy, a long standing one, we had both encountered. I remember the year that he made me pinky swear I wouldn’t sign up for another program or class without talking to him first.
You see, I’ve really done so much. I’m a bodyworker, an energy worker, an intuitive reader, a somatic practitioner, and now a coach. That’s a lot of education. There is nothing wrong with taking a class, or engaging in a program. Education and exploration are of high value to me.
The problem was the motivation behind my constant need to skill build or to learn more.
It was my constant drive to find something outside myself to shift the inside message that my skills weren’t enough; that I wasn’t enough.
I had constant doubt, low confidence, and a belief that I was broken and in need of fixing.
What really, finally, gave me relief was the realization that turning toward a new experience meant I was also constantly turning away from the old one and the old experience was really where the gold was hiding. I wasn’t going to become enough by constantly running away, by trying to become something new. I was simply proving to myself that I was never going to be enough because there was always more to learn.
Therefore, I was only going to shift by viewing the problem differently and turning to embrace it instead of running away, or pushing it away. But none of the things I was signing up for were addressing this pattern. They were just selling a new technique or modality.
The fascinating part is how I now have all this freed up energy that I once spent on hiding and seeking to actually be able to learn the things I want to. The things that matter specifically to me. I’m getting more depth in the practices I already have. I’m using my gifts more and showing up in the world in a more authentic way.
And I want the same for you.