You know how it feels when you slip on a pair of jeans you’ve had forever and they fit just right like a second skin?
That’s what you want when you pick a coach.
You want to feel a fit with the person, who they are, and what unique skills they bring. No matter what tools we use, we all have a unique background and experience that goes into shaping who we are.
I once had a potential client tell me she had been looking for a year for a coach that ticked all her boxes about what was right for her and her circumstances and yet we didn’t work together in a coaching capacity because the parameters I set for having a safe space, made it not a fit for that time.
I’m a feeler, so I have to feel like it’s a fit and I’ll be honest, I’ve worked with coaches I wasn’t quite ready for, I jumped into the feel before I was ready. They were a fit but I wasn’t yet ready to surrender to their leadership. It felt like wearing a pair of jeans I had recline in to get them zipped. A fit but not quite comfortable and I fought that discomfort.
I’ve been working a lot with the idea of surrender and how that can lead you to your own unique greatness. I’ve learned that surrender in coaching is necessary. It’s not that you have to do everything your coach tells you, or suggests, or even that you need to find a fit in every aspect of who they are.
What you need is to be able to trust the process and to surrender into your own greatness.
It’s true what Marianne Williamson said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
This is what surrender is. Trusting and allowing. This leads you into the greater truth of who you are and allows you to let go of what stands in your way of your full expression.
When you trust the person leading you, you can soften into the support they provide and allow yourself to be fully witnessed. It’s a gift you give yourself. It isn’t always easy.
The truth is there will likely be a moment when you don’t like your coach. You may want to tell them off, leave, or even create a situation where your change stalls. This is the sweet spot. This is the place where you are meeting your own deeper issue and projecting it out.
Surrendering in that moment though, it makes things happen super fast. It’s a barrier to break through and it takes bravery to get beyond that moment.
If you are looking for a coach, take your time, watch them and how they are when they post or send emails. See how aligned they are inside and out.
The coach that worked for your friend, or your colleagues, might not be a fit for you.
Watch yourself too and see how you respond, what buttons get pressed, what your strategy is when things get tough. Let your awareness guide you and allow the timing to be right.
When you surrender to the process, things can happen at lightening speed.
My first breakthrough session took six hours. My second was only two hours and 15 minutes. Sure, I had learned a few things and approached it a bit differently, but the main difference was in the client and her ability to openly surrender into the process. We met each other equally and it was like sliding into a pair of well-worn jeans.
How long will a breakthrough take for you? I can’t say for sure but I feel roughly 10 hours of time together can lead you to a breakthrough. The truth is most of the magic happens in the first 3-4 hours. The rest is cementing the shift.
Three Steps to Find Your Perfect Fit Coach
- Get really clear on what you want to accomplish with a coach. The more clear you can be, the easier it is to find someone who is an expert in getting what you want.
- Follow different coaches on social media, get to know them through their content and approach to life. Look at their webpage, watch videos, even join their email list. That can help give you a feel for the person.
- Book a discovery call. Get to know that person. Now, it’s true some coaches use discovery calls to push sales, but not all of us do. Know you can always say no and if you are forced to say yes on the call when you aren’t sure, that might not be the coach for you. I’d rather have a chat with someone who is curious but doesn’t become a client than to sign on a client and find out afterwards that we aren’t a fit. I’ve been the client in that situation and I don’t want that for others.